Phil's Newsletter #25

Trying to forget there ain't a normal to go back to

Previously on Phil’s Newsletter: It was WrestleMania, I had a rough week.

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This morning was the 4th weekly episode of the OpenCV Weekly Webinar, and featured Brandon Minor of Tangram Vision discussing sensors and robotics. Me and Brandon worked together at Occipital, so it was cool to have him on the show. We’ve got the show booked out 3 weeks in advance, and I feel pretty good about that. This week’s pro wrestling shirt: The Powers of Pain (thanks, Chuck!)

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Last weekend was Wrestling Mania and I got to spend a lot of time talking about pro wrestling with my friends and family. It was so nice but I think reminded me too much of what my life was like a couple years ago, and that put me in a real weird mood which I am still in today.

Most days, I am just trying to make it through that day. I feel like I am working toward nothing. “What comes next?” weighs so heavily on me now that I do not know what to do. It’s been a traumatic time.

Worse, even a lot of my favorite movies, TV, and songs do not help me anymore and actively kinda make this anxiety-depression fog worse. My ex “took” a lot of my comfort media by association, because we did everything together for 9 years, and I have trauma from how that relationship ended. I am trying to reclaim my favorite stuff. It’s work. A line from The Rockford Files, another one of those beloved media things I am taking back:

We're all scared to death. I guess that's a penalty we pay for living in a world where all the price tags end in 99 cents and they sell mortuary plots on billboards next to the freeway. What you do is... you just keep laughing. Just... keep laughing.

It is a struggle to keep on laughing. Every day I wake up and I push myself to keep writing, keep talking until it’s finally, finally, an acceptable time to go to sleep and I won’t have to think for a few hours. Right now, laying down is my reward for getting up.

Sitting alone in this room, feeling worthless, staring into an empty future I do not want yet unable to even imagine one that I do. That’s where I am, personally. It’s grim. It’s not a good way to live and from here it seems to be endless.

My grandma took a bad fall a few weeks ago, and she needed surgery and stuck in a local medical facility while she heals up. She is very senile, and does not remember much of anything for more than a few minutes, but is very angry at being there. We know where I get my ornery-ness from. This is extremely hard on my poor mother, who is her caretaker. Keep them both in your thoughts, yeah?

I typed “let’s move on, shall we?” here and then laughed for 30 seconds at the irony. LOL, imagine moving on.

Anyway, I’ve got deadlines. Here’s Ted With Sports.

1993 Divergent League Baseball Comes Back

Sorry, everyone! I was too sad and didn’t do Divergent League or the podcast for over a week. There are just FOUR teams left in the 1993 Divergent League postseason, and we’re kicking those series off tonight.

Join us at 6pm PDT for game 1 of White Sox .vs. Orioles, and game 1 of Expos .vs. Giants. Come watch along in the Discord!

As always, the latest news, stats and standings will be on https://divergentleague.com and our podcast Divergent League Update will make it’s return tomorrow.

RetroStrange Movie Night #23 Is This Weekend!

That’s right folks, it’s a movie night week. We are not tired of the Japanese scifi, and are going back to the well for Gamera .vs. Gyaos and The Mysterians. Lordy, we love us some Gamera.

If you, too, love Gamera I hope you will join us in Discord and watch-along this weekend, starting at 7pm PDT. RetroStrange Safety Squad starts at 6:30.

Phil’s Good Links

Welcome to the part of the newsletter that acts like a slow-time blog. No not like my blog at extrafuture.com.

That’s all I got in me this week, friends. Thank you so much for reading, and subscribing, and watching, and listening. Yes, you. I'll see you next week.

— Phil Nelson
Wizard Tower Gamma
4.15.21